Why Do People Get Divorced?

The Leading Reasons for Divorce

Understanding these common causes can help individuals better navigate their relationships and, when necessary, make informed decisions about their marriages. Below, we outline some of the common reasons for divorce:

• Substance abuse: When one spouse struggles with addiction, it can lead to financial strain, emotional devastation, and breakdown of trust. The non-addicted spouse often experiences emotional exhaustion from trying to help their partner while protecting themselves and their family.
• Betrayal of trust: Perhaps one of the most devastating reasons for divorce is betrayal of trust, whether through infidelity, financial secrets, or other forms of deception. Affairs, both emotional and physical, can irreparably damage the foundation of marriage. The discovery of hidden debts, secret accounts, or other significant lies can similarly destroy the basic trust necessary for a healthy partnership.
• Communication issues: Poor communication often underlies many marital problems. When couples cannot effectively express their needs, feelings, and concerns, misunderstandings multiply and resentment builds. Many couples report that they stopped talking long before their divorce, highlighting how communication breakdown can create an insurmountable distance between partners.
• Lack of sympathy and respect: This can manifest as dismissive behavior, constant criticism, or general contempt. Without mutual respect and sympathy for each other's perspectives, couples struggle to navigate even minor disagreements constructively.
• Loss of love and/or intimacy: While love naturally evolves over time, some couples experience a complete disconnection both emotionally and physically. This loss of intimacy can create a profound sense of loneliness within the marriage, leading partners to seek fulfillment elsewhere or simply accept that the relationship has run its course.
• Growing apart: As individuals develop and change over time, some couples find they no longer share common values, goals, or interests.
• Religious differences: Interfaith marriages can face unique challenges, especially when religious beliefs significantly influence daily life decisions or child-rearing approaches. These differences often become more pronounced over time, particularly when one partner becomes more or less religious than they were at the start of the marriage.
• Unrealistic expectations: When reality fails to meet these expectations, disappointment and resentment can take root, particularly if couples cannot adjust their expectations to match their actual circumstances.
• Inequality between partners: Unequal distribution of responsibilities, whether financial, household, or emotional, can create significant strain in a marriage.
• Abuse: Physical, emotional, or verbal abuse represents one of the most serious reasons for divorce. Abuse creates an unsafe environment that damages both physical and mental health, often requiring immediate intervention and separation for the safety of the affected spouse and any children involved.
• Financial concerns: Money consistently ranks among the top reasons for divorce. Financial stress can stem from different spending habits, hidden debts, job loss, or disagreements about financial priorities.
• Marrying at a young age: Couples who marry in their teens or early twenties often face higher divorce rates. This can be attributed to incomplete personal development, financial instability, and lack of life experience, which can make navigating marital challenges more difficult.
• Lack of familial support: A Forbes article reports that 43% of divorcees claim lack of family support led to their divorce. This lack of support can manifest in various ways, from direct interference from in-laws to the absence of a helpful support system during difficult times.

Does Your Reason for Divorce Matter?

Why you are pursuing divorce can impact the grounds on which you file for divorce. In New York, the legal reasons for divorce include the following:

• Irretrievable breakdown (no-fault)
• Cruel and inhuman treatment
• Abandonment
• Imprisonment
• Adultery
• Living separate and apart pursuant to a legal separation agreement

A Prenup Can Help Avoid Many of These Issues

While discussing divorce may seem counterintuitive before marriage, having a prenuptial agreement can actually strengthen relationships by addressing potential issues before they arise. A well-crafted prenuptial agreement forces couples to have crucial conversations about financial expectations, asset management, and long-term goals early in their relationship.

This open dialogue can help prevent future conflicts about money management and financial responsibilities. Additionally, the process of creating a prenuptial agreement often improves communication skills and transparency between partners, as it requires honest discussions about:

• assets,
• debts, and
• financial expectations.

After establishing clear guidelines and expectations from the start, couples can avoid many of the common issues that lead to divorce, such as financial disputes, unclear expectations, and communication breakdowns.